Reverse Blackout
by Tidoj1508
Summary: Sarge's EMP causes strangely less trouble than Simmons expected, and Jones (Gavin's character) is apparently a time traveler. Rated for graphic content. No OCs. Please review for intelligence-free Marinara!
1. Chapter 1

Reversal Chapter #1

It's another day in the life of the Reds and Blues. Sarge, the sergeant/mad doctor was working on and electronic device: A portable EMP bomb, or an emp as they called it. He had just commissioned a testing of the device.

"Okay, Simmons, say Grif is enjoying a shower of ****ography, and suddenly his computer goes kapoot!"

"Brilliant, sir!" Simmons did in his standard fashion of kissing Sarge's butt.

Meanwhile, at Blue base, Tucker was suffering Donut's "Room service" to "Repay" them for whatever they did.

"Caboose, if I ever make it through all of this, I've always hated you, I think you're stupid, and I'm never drinking coffee again!" Tucker resolved.

"Right back at you, retard." Caboose gargled milk."Oh, man! I just accidentally erased my name I wrote in spit. Oh! I can still read it! It's in green pen!"

"Yo, retard! Your visor's covered in mildew." Tucker corrected.

"That sounds like something I had at Taco Bell." Caboose responded.

"Uh, Cabose? Dude, you spelled your name wrong! There's two "O"s in "Caboose" You know!"

"My Mama called me that, so I spell it out of respect. All those other guys in spelling class were stupid. Hey Tucker, can you turn on my magic tummy rub machine?"

"Caboose, that's a massage chair, you're supposed to put your back to those **** things, you know."

"Oh! Uh, Donut! Tucker broke the messenger ba-"

"Massage chair! And I didn't break it, you did!"

"Donut, I blamed Tucker for breaking the chair!"

"BS, Caboose!" Tucker whined.

"Cheer up, guys! Do you want your coffee with extra cream?" Donut asked with his 'kiss the cook' apron on.

"I'm not falling for that again, Donut!"

"You don't know what you're missing, Lavernius!" Donut waved his finger around.

"Shut up!" Tucker yelled.

Back at Red base, Sarge finished planning his assault on Blue base. Grif dragged his lazy at dollars dollars over to where they were briefing.

"Now, men, today is the day we use everything in our personal bag of tricks-"

"Does that include that sock I-"

"No, it does not, numbnuts! What do you think we are, a ****er club?"

"Yes, sir."

"Dag nab it, private. This ain't no poker trampoline!"

"Poker trampoline? I just had the weirdest case of de-ja-vu." Simmons commented.

"What're you on about?" A blue soldier came out of nowhere.

"Uh, who in Sam Hill are you, blue?" Sarge pointed his M90 at the stranger/intruder/d-bag.

"I'm private Jones, I'm from the future, and you need to listen to me! Do not attack the blues!"

"Don't attack the blues? Don't think I can't see that you're a Blue! You can't just come in here with that funky accent claiming to be from the future!"

"Right!" Simmons agreed." We are the red army, and we don't trust the Blues! Not even with your sexy accent! Especially Sarge here. The steadfast leader of-"

"Shut up, kiss $$!" Grif spat out.

"Listen, you have to trust me! Your EMP will cause a huge explosion destroying your spirit and the bodies of your counterparts."

"Counterparts?" Simmons repeated.

"Yes!" Jones replied." They're your equals who control your movement based on their interpretation of your personalities!"

"Sarge, what if he's not lying? What if he's actually from the future, and we're gonna die?"

Back in the real world, Gus Sorola was voicing Simmons. He removed the microphone from his face.

"They're gonna die? And us with them? Matt, do you think this will actually happen?"

"I don't think we can trust that sexy Brit." Matt replied.

Matt had forgotten to remove his microphone, and consequently, his last words echoed: _Sexy Brit, sexy Brit, , sexy Brit, , sexy Brit, , sexy Brit, , sexy Brit._

"Sexy Brit." Sarge spelled out loud.

"Uh, Sarge, you okay?" Simmons asked.

"Oh, no! It's happening already! The EMP! It was armed, but who could've-"

Caboose stood up, with the EMP in his hands.

"Oh, oh, hi Captain buttwiggle! I noticed you had a button, so I pushed it and now-I hate you, Matt, I hate everything about-Pumpkin Sprinkles!"

Grif walked around in a different armour from what the Reds were used to.

"Grif, is your armour covered in $#!%?" Simmons yelped.

"What're you on about?" Master Chief inquired in a fake British accent. He then started dabbing his finger on his green armour and tasting it.

"Dude, are you eating the $#!%?" Simmons almost puked.

"Oh, you should try this Gustavo." Goeff recommended.

"Goeff? What kind of name is that?"

"The kind you put "Lazer Ramsey" after." Goeff(Geoff) replied.

"You insolent-" Sarge started changing prematurely."Make me a pie chart!"

**To be continued, shut up! Especially you, Werewolfsucker!**


	2. Chapter 2

Reversal II

Church was digging around in the trash, looking for God knows what. Tucker walked up to him while sipping the remains of the soy sauce. He took one look at Church and spat out the disgusting liquid, turning his armour slightly brown. This was of course a reference to his counterpart playing another brown guy.

"Yo, captain D****e bag! What the F*** are you doing?"

"Mind your own business, Tucker! I'm looking for sandwiches! Now get back to work!"

"Sandwiches? Since when do we have-"

"Stand aside, Jason, this is business related."

"My name's Tucker!"

"Oh, yeah. Tucker, why don't you go annoy Tex, or rescue the new guy?"

"New guy? What new guy?"

"You know, that sexy Brit who went over to Red base…wait, how did I know that? Tucker, can you refresh my memory?"

"I can do it!" Caboose ran in all the way from the other side of the canyon with his Higgs Bison speed." I can do it twelve times!"

"Whoa, twelve times a d-" Church was interrupted by Tucker punching him across the face.

"Snap out of it, man! You've been acting like a total lunatic ever since this morning! Quit your s*** with sandwiches and Homestar Runner references, you know what happened last time!"

"I remember quite vividly you called me a dick precisely three and a half times, including that time where you made a portboytowtruck you called it-"

"Shut up Caboose, you're not helping!" Tucker and Church shouted simultaneously.

Sarge wasn't overly happy with the concept of a Blue being right, Godforbid he ever listen to one.

"Wait!" He realized." What if this causes a paradox in the timespace continuum?"

As he spoke, Grif had licked the green of his armour, only to get another grass stain pressed onto him by a grey Spartan falling from the sky.

"Hey, get off me!" The stranger scolded.

"I'm not on you, you're on me!" Grif squealed.

"Well stop it!"

"Stop what?"

"Nevermind, that's just what they want you to think, Matt!"

"Wash?" Simmons turned around, frightened.

"No, not Wash. Shannon."

"Shannon?!" Simmons exclaimed." Who the F***'s Shannon?"

"Nevermind, just listen to the sexy Brit, he's telling the truth."

Again, as he was speaking, Caboose appeared in the Nicholas of Herbal Essences.

"Now, where were we!" Joel spoke in a serious voice.

"Caboose, what are you doing with that EMP?"

"Carrying out the inevitable!" Caboose's armour flashed white for a second, and a tiny hologram appeared on his shoulder, using the same sinister laugh.

"O'Malley!" Wash whispered.

"Yes, pitiful fool! Say my name! And remember that it was the bearer of that name who saw to your permanent demise! And now with the sergeant's device, you will permanently be locked in this virtual world, MEMBERS OF ROOSTERTEETH!

**Dun, dun, duuun!** **This chapter was cut short due to laziness and lack of inspiration and good place for a cliffhanger.**


	3. Chapter 3

jeReversal III

"Don't do it, Caboose!" Simmons yelled.

"I must! No one loved me! Now I'm gonna kill myself, and everybody else!" O'Malley had already taken over. Caboose's helmet was scratched up.

"Caboose!" Jones called out." Caboose, don't let O'Malley take you over! Thing about something that makes you happy!"

"Happy? Yeah, happy! Yes, I'm surrounded by doughnuts with hearts on them and mine and Church's faces! Then I can eat our friendship! It tastes so good!"

"This was not in the script." Joel complained." I'm not saying this!"

"Joel, Joel, come back!" Jack called.

"Shut up, Jack, I hate you, too!"Joel shouted. Suddenly, he felt something coarse through him. He pulled out a pistol and shot everyone, or almost everyone. He spared Gavin, for some reason even he didn't know.

"Joel, you killed them all!"

"Yes, it's done. Now they will be trapped in a box canyon in the middle of nowhere within an animation within a fanfiction! They can never escape, and even if they do, I'll kill them again!"

_I have to stop him!_ Gavin thought. He ran back to the only place he could do anything: Back in time. But how could he do that? With Caleb's time machine from the RT recap._ But wait! What if Joel already killed Barbara and destroyed it? I have to save her!_

"It's too late!" Joel caught him."I should've gotten you before, but someone wants you alive. Consider yourself lucky." He dragged him by the ear to the closet, where he locked him up. Gavin looked around, and saw Barbara next to him.

"Barbara!" He exclaimed. But no one heard, not Barbara, not even Joel. _Not even Joel! I can get the time machine and do what I need to!_ He felt around the closet and found something metal. He used his sexy Brit abilities to figure out how it didn't work, but was able to push some button to send himself back. He made some coffee, extra strong, drank it straight, and gained the temporary ability see through time.

Gavin saw crippity crappy VFX behind him as he was sent through temporal rifts. A blue piece of metal formed bit by bit above his head. He quickly grabbed it and put it on. A heads-up-display activated with the essentials; everything he needed. The Brit put on bits of blue armour as they materialized around him.

"I feel like I could change anything, become anything, and destroy anything in my path." He cackled to himself. The portal dropped him down on Blood Gulch, and the blue clad idiot would invoke fear in his enemies."I'll take the name Jones, the name of my soon to be deceased friend." He whispered to himself as he felt the edge of a machete with his thumb. He sheathed it and set out to do the bidding of, not Joel, but himself.

For a split second, a man with a machine gun and a creepy smiling visor stared into Gavin's eyes, making a hysterical giggling sound. The Brit tried to stab the Jerseyman in the face, but he disappeared before any blow could be dealt.

**Of course, that guy's Michael, the chainguy from Longshore. I don't have any plans for him currently, but I'm sure I can make it up as I go along. ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

Reversal IV

Chainguy, the yellow blooded terror, was a mysterious man with no memory of his past, nor any thoughts except killing. No words, only deranged, high pitched giggles. A monstrous machine gun was strapped to his back, and the very sight of him invoked fear, yet nobody knew who he was, except for Jones, the deceased yet living blue soldier. But how did he know these things?

"My helmet told me." He spoke. "Well, time for my transfer." He looked for the structure that was Blue base, found a Mongoose, and drove it over.

After he left, a single Red Sergeant stepped out of his base to find his invention missing.

"Dag nabbit! Who stole my new Mongoose?"

"That thing's called a Mongoose? Looks more like a cobra to me." Grif commented.

"You're pullin' this again? We agreed to call it the Mongoose, so we're calling it a doggone Mongoose!"

"Agreed? More like you ignored me throughout the entire conversation. You know what, keep arguing, it'll buy me more time before I have to do something."

"I told you to clean the gutters!"

"No, you didn't."

"I did too, in fact, I remember quite vividly not letting you live unless you did!" Sarge pointed his shotgun at Grif's face as he spoke.

"C'mon, Sarge, imagine you're testing new equipment in the field-"

"Oh, that reminds me, I was going to test my emp bomb. Thanks for reminding me, Simmons! You get double salary today." Sarge denied Grif any credit whatsoever.

"But I reminded you."

"Yes, but Simmons probably sent you out here, didn't he?" Sarge kept up.

"No, I came out myself because the workspace was inside the base."

"And Simmons was the one issuing orders while I went away, and eventually smoked you out."

"Speaking of getting smoked out, let's see if we can get any cigars in here!"

"No, I'll be too busy testing my emp."

" And thus ends another excuse not to do work. Woot woot!" Grif celebrated.

* * *

"I just wanna say that we weren't expecting any new recruits." Church stated.

"Well, you know what they say where I'm from." Jones replied." The unexpected should be expected."

"I've never heard of that, ever. Please shut the hell up." Church vocalized flatly.

"Yes, sir, Lenny."

"And don't call me Lenny!" Church warned."Why don't you talk to Caboose?"

"I have a feeling we're going to be very close, Johenes." Caboose spoke really really slowly.

"You have no idea." Jones responded. He followed him helm off to wherever the mentally disabled warrior would saunter.

"Caboose, get this sexy Brit out of my face." Church commanded.

"Okay, commander Lenny." Caboose replied.

"Now don't you start, or I'll give you both a dick kick." Church threatened.

"We're gonna go on so many adventures!"

"Hey, Caboose, I predict that you will have something in your hands and people will ask how it got there."

"And I agree with you. Wait, what?"

"I bet you 100 dollars people will ask how you picked something up."

"What, are you trying to trick me? I'll give you 100 dollars to go back in time and do it again so I can see."

"That shouldn't be a problem." Jones noted.

**So anyway, make sure you review, I need something to base the next chapter on.**


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